A Child-free Chat
For those of you who read my newsletter that are not already aware, I have chosen to not have children. This was a choice that I made many years ago, and have taken steps to ensure, including surgical sterilization.
Being child-free is a controversial decision in some camps. There are people that vehemently disagree with the choice being an option. Others try to argue:
“You’ll never know true love until you have a baby.”
“You‘ll change your mind…”
“You will never be happy without kids!”
“Who will take care of you when you’re old?”
“You’re not contributing to society if you don’t have kids!”
“If you don’t have children, you shouldn’t be able to vote!”
These are just a few of the arguments that people make against people who choose not to have children.They never seem to consider some of the important facts:
Children are expensive
Genetics play a role
This planet is overpopulated as it is, why add more to it
For me, it feels selfish to bring a child into a world that is a complete disaster. Between climate change, wars that don’t make sense, and huge disparities in wealth distribution and the housing market, it just doesn’t make sense to me. And it never has. As my mother will tell you if you ask, she knew she would never see grandkids from me from an early age. I believe it was my teen years that she came to this conclusion and accepted it. Sometimes I think she knew before I did for sure.
I have a number of other reasons for choosing not to have children as well. These include my chronic illnesses, which take up huge amounts of time just looking after myself. I need to make sure I do certain things at certain times or else I am in huge amounts of pain. This includes taking several medications. This couldn’t happen if there was a baby or a kid in the picture. Besides, would taking my medications even be possible during a pregnancy? That is something I would not even entertain at this juncture. My chronic illnesses make life difficult enough, how much more difficult could it be adding kids into the mix?
I also have mental illnesses, multiple of which can be hereditary. I would never wish my mental health struggles on another person, let alone a child. They take a lot of work to manage as well. And the amount of work that goes into managing them, as well as the possibility of taking medications make childbearing something that I can’t consider. It’s just not an option for me.
I do know unconditional love, and I have it from my pets, past and present. You don’t need to have kids in order to experience it. It is a privilege to have this kind of love in my life, and I love my cat like he is a part of me.
And this isn’t me attempting to justify my choice. This is me explaining the reasons I have for choosing not to have kids. There are any number of reasons to choose not to be a parent, and they differ from person to person, same as the decision to have kids in the first place. So, don’t tell me I am selfish for not having kids. I don’t think it is selfish at all to choose not to bring a child into the world who would potentially suffer from some pretty serious ailments. I’m not even going to roll the dice on that. I contribute to this world in a number of ways, including the fact that I pay taxes that fund things like education and health care. When I am too old to look after myself I will go into a care home, just like every other elderly person. I will pay people to take care of me, plain and simple. I don’t have to worry about the possibility of being put into a care home by my kids, and then never have them visit.
My legacy will stand on its own two feet. I don’t need children to be a part of it. I don’t need children to be happy. I am already happy, my chronic and mental illnesses notwithstanding. I work hard for the life I have and I want to and can enjoy it for what it is.
This isn’t to say that I dislike kids. In fact, I am the “cool aunt” to a number of my friends kids and I adore them. I just don’t want them for myself. It gives me more time to love and spoil the kids that are already in my life. They are very special to me.
Being childfree is valid.